do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
