There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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