At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
