I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
