The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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