I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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