The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
