She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
tell me about the fingering
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