Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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