a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
