I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
