How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
