My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
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