So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
