I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
