I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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