I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
