Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
