3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
