Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
