420 ftw
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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