I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
