also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
