We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
