my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
