just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
