Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
