i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
