Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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