I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
