I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
So many bounce houses so little time
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
