how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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