He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Randomize
