dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
