im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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