nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
