just tell him i said nine months
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
