you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
