You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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