pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
