Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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