But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
