Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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