It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
