so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
