Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
