I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
