I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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