Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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