I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
