my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Church boner. Awkwardddd
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
