I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
He felt like a one man threesome
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
