Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
