doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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