Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
